Queen- You Are Enough!
With such vivid and still imagery, I recall my Doctor saying, “Regina your hCG level did not rise past 733”- this seemed to be on a repeat cycle because that is all I heard following the excitement of at home pregnancy tests time and time again. As I lay in bed, walk about the congested and absurdly noisy world all I thought was AGAIN and well if you’ve ever experienced a miscarriage- you wait for the cramps, the blood and the Doctor to say “all clear” or in my case “I have called in a prescription that has to be inserted into your vagina because your “child” is still there”. I get to the parking lot and scream SO loudly but as people pass they smile and wave hello- could they not see my grief stricken face or smell the aura of me not being enough of a woman to carry a child? My tears seemed to flow like the ocean and my tone tremulous in nature for my little fighters that never made their perfect debut. The stories of faith and the gentleness of my grandmother’s tone reminds me to hold on, BUT boy that grief that wicked monster has shown his head one too many times and I feel that I just cannot bare. I cry out “this cannot be it, this is not the ending of my fairy tale” so I go to my knees in the closet that place where I can lay prostrate before God crying for refuge from the entangled web that is weakening my soul- AND then the roller coaster of emotions- they stopped, it was as if someone had come in the middle of the night and turned the radio off-the words so inaudible and screeched like white noise. I was awaken so quickly from the nightmare and sheer terror of simply existing, I knew independent of a physician I was about to embark on a journey that would test my faith, make me more intentional of my physical well being as well as continue dependence on my husband so soulfully. The one great thing about a storm- is that there is always a rainbow to follow! So, if you made it here it is by no coincidence - know we were destined to meet. Together let us become so vulnerable that we not only heal but rediscover the beauty of simply being a WOMAN. To the Moms, Moms 2 Be and the Moms in Waiting from me to you- I pledge the unwavering tenacity to educate, inspire, and raise social awareness to issues impacting US and ways we can change the trajectory!
For the month of March, our blog will focus on hope and healing after loss- educating the necessity for physical and mental well-being, while taking a dive into the “logistics” of pregnancy*
Before posting, please read for clarity as well as sensitivity to all those within the Community. Vulnerability affords opportunities for growth- hatred ages the soul! From one Queen to the next, always remember YOU ARE ENOUGH!
*MomE 2 MomE LLC renders postings based on research, personal experience and thought provoking articles- we are not medical professionals and advise you to consult with your Physician to ensure individualization of care.
